New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
