I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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