Buhtt sex?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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