Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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