don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
