i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
