Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
