The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
