This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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