so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
