The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
