my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
