OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
