Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
