My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
