apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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