i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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