I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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