You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my liver is dry heaving
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
