This is not my ceiling
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
