k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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