and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
