I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
