im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
