She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
