I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
