Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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