ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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