Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
