I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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