I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
