Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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