How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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