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If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
