my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
