Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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