Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she smelled like a LAN party
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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