The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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