sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize