you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
