i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
