At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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