Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
