just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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