and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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