She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
