I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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