Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
