i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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