Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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