wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
