Plan B is the new Plan A
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up under a house in Key West
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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