A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
