I'm jealous of your bromance
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
