The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
