i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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