Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will be naked everywhere
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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