I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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