I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
