if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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