You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
