i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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