i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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